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Oct. 17th, 2007

03:22 pm - Womanists Darn Socks

When I think of 'feminine', it calls to mind the construction of the feminine ideal; pink curved bows of pie and giggles, the brassiere and the plastic surgery. I adore my feminine, my version of the construction, reconstructed; that which gives me opportunity to slyly seduce those who would be mine, with eyelashes unhinged and red lipstick blazing. Would-be 'feminists' fight for that which is womanly, non? They fight not (maybe) for the ideal, the feminine, the rampant airbrushing of stretch marks, cellulite, hot flesh and hotter words, or do they fight to abolish these things? Do they fight to choose? To define? To what? To whom this may concern?...

Who can educate this feminine Womanist?

In me is Woman, and from this the Feminine. My desire to darn my lovers socks, to keep his toes warm, as I warm him with my body in the nighttime? Does this sock-mending domestic impulse betray my heroic feminist ancestors? Does this instinct exhibit my exposure to the media image of My Responsibilities? Does it praise the Womanly Protector in me? Is it just a sock? I can choose to exercise the power of my pioneer prowess, or exercise my consumer muscle and buy him a new pair. Maybe the power of their efforts is in choice. I can choose to ignore the socks and instead wear a peel-able face mask of antioxidant miracles.

Woman as tiny miracles. Curved miraculous threads.

My Biological Clock. Pounding in my ears. Too many diaper commercials? Biological imperative come to shake me and taunt me with swollen 16-year olds. My Feminine or my Woman? The booties or the breastfeeding? Which calls me more, I'm asked of myself in grunting syllables. If I wrap myself in maternity wear, does my shopping buy me the baby? Is the baby another extension of product? Woman versus feminine seems less and less pertinent as the question becomes Human Vs. Consumer. What do we purchase...exchange for a nominal fee...

Maybe we buy Feminine and Woman is for free?

Current Location: The Ottoman Empire

Current Mood: devious

Current Music: Feist

(2 comments | Tell me something...)

Aug. 27th, 2007

01:13 pm - Three Hundred and Sixty Some Odd Days

Matt and I have been, um, what's the word...

"Kicking it"

For exactly one year, today. Check out our Anniversary-Ness, yo.

(3 comments | Tell me something...)

Aug. 20th, 2007

12:09 pm - Shoot 'Em Up

Guns are sexy.

I mean, death and torture and the arms trade and rape and cruelty and 10,000 American a year shooting each other and innocent bystanders and child soldiers and kids shooting each other in school and sport hunting and death death death are all not, per se, sexy.

What's sexy is Paul Giamatti talking on a cell phone, with a big shiny, phallic Glock in the other furry Mitt, eyebrow cocked, ready to redeem us all. Genius! What's also genius is Monica Bellucci, all lips and tits and chin in a corset, looking like she's about to die of boredom. Maybe she's a chain smoker with pores like dinner plates and teeth like nicotine patches, but still, damn. Also, secretly, we all know Clive Owen is hung. That's stubble? He's too busy admiring his cock to shave. I have to see this movie.

(Tell me something...)

Aug. 17th, 2007

10:55 am

I haven't really posted here because it's "her" territory. But, fuck 'er, I can ramble just exactly where I want to! (And go exactly where I want to) Also, Alison is the best damn writer I know in real life, and I want an excuse to check out her gems of literary beauty on a more regular basis. Do I really need 4 accounts where I divulge more and more personal information, images, and ethnographic reports? I'm pretty sure the only one reading my myspace blog is wishing me dead (maybe even right at this very moment *oooeeeyyyoooo*) Is it invoking hatred to wax spoiled about my gruelingly charmed existence? Do I...just talk to much? Not enough? Am I inviting the wrath of some unsuspecting family member, former employer, or ex-friend to gasp "I can't believe she said Butt Plug!". Oh, maybe we're just reaching out, safely so, into the glittering void, saying "I may have been miserable in grade school, but I'm popular now! Please, let me show you how strange I am". Will showing them how strange I am, and being accepted at it, redeem me?

Ah, fuck 'em.

(6 comments | Tell me something...)

Jan. 26th, 2007

02:24 pm - The Benefits and Detriments of Dual Citizenship

My mother was born in Joliet, Illinois, which is located about an hour out of Chicago. My father was born in Montreal, and as good Canadians know where this is. This simple fact amounts to the more complicated issue of 'Dual Citizenship'. I'm burdened with 2 passports, a Social Security Number, a SIN card, and 2 birth certificates. I can vote in both countries, Turkish visas are cheaper for Americans...and,... I think those are the only real benefits I can see to having American citizenship. Seriously, if you were in a plane that was hijacked, and they asked for your passport, would you hand over a US or Canadian version? Pretty easy choice. I know this is not uncommon, many many people have dual citizenship, but I wonder, are those that share American and Canadian identities more prone to identity crisis, or maybe guilt? Am I a turncoat? Is my overwhelming desire to burn (or sell) my US passport and dance around it while naked and chanting 'I reject thee, Satan!' rational?

These questions plague me.

(9 comments | Tell me something...)

Jan. 25th, 2007

09:40 am - The DRC

Developing a Nation-State implies, and by definition demands, that the rights and traditional ways of indigenous groups be suppressed in order to bring hegemony and economic development to a region. The meaning of “Nation-State” as it is used here refers to: “a specific form of state, which exists to provide a sovergien territory for a particular nation (a cultural entity), and which derives its legitimacy from that function.”(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nation_state). The main function of said Nation-State here, I will argue, is the expansion of their economic systems and the ability to participate within the global economy. The expansion of economic systems refers to the ‘Western” idea of developing economically, which has little regard for vulnerable populations referes more to the internal structure of the location (i.e. restructuring internal revenue to keep up with the repayment of international loans, wile taking money out of strengthening infrastructure). Within this context Nation-State building allows the domination and incorporation of smaller and more vulnerable indigenous groups by larger, more economically developed peoples, in order to further the interests of the dominant group. In order to show this tendency, I will be examining the Colonial history of the Congo, and more specifically the Ba’Aka or ‘pygmies’ within the Congo. I will also critically analyze more current events that relate to The Congo’s development within the global market, and what consequences this holds for the Ba’Aka. While keeping indigenous population in the forefront, I will show that the most dominant feature of a Nation-State is the identification, vilification, and eventual extermination of a common enemy, or enemies. The enemy is most often characterized by either its supposed economic inferiority, ‘primitive’ ways of life, and/or resistance to the homogenization of their culture. Another motivation for the tendency to remove or incorporate these groups lies simply in the fact that indigenous groups may occupy the land that may be exploited to further the economic interests of the Nation, or other international investors or organizations (i.e. World Bank). In conclusion, I will briefly examine the paternalistic tendencies of colonial practices, through representation, thought, and discourse. Since, as we can see, the primary interest of a Nation-State is to become a viable and financially solvent, anything that obstructs that goal, assumes the representation of ‘enemy’, especially concerning indigenous populations. In order for the interests of the Nation-State to be fulfilled, these vulnerable groups must be either eradicated or incorporated, as these groups have interests that differ from that of the dominant group, or government. This is often achieved thorough subversive, violent and aggressive means, several of which will be examined here.

The Democratic Republic of the Congo is a country steeped in debt, civil war, and is involved in the attempt to participate within the global market. The colonial history of the Congo, and emergence of the Congo as a free state, can be traced back to 1884. In that time King Leopold II, a Belgian, sent British born explorer H.M Stanley to begin an empire in Central Africa. Stanley did not find a ‘nation’, but with “several hundred tribes, jealously interdependent of each other and disputer over an immense area” (Martelli 1966:21). This is one example of an early representation of an African ‘other’, which is a key concern of Colonialism. If the Belgians represented Africans as disordered, prone to infighting, violence, and disputing over a huge landmass, this only further assists the colonizer in assuming control. As we have seen before in other colonial endeavors, some natives were ‘persuaded’ to sign treaties, which afforded those chiefs who were chosen to sign and came to be under ‘protection’ from the Association International du Congo. (21). This was the beginning of colonial administration in the Congo. This term refers to the practice of appointing paid elders to act as the legitimate representatives of their respective groups. This form of indirect rule is one of the most effective and subversive means of colonial rule. It led to the further stratification of indigenous groups through a ‘divide and conquer’ mentality, integral to the success of colonizers. The Association International du Congo was organized, financed by the Belgian King to further his colonial interests, and used the guise of philanthropy, “pending recognition by the other colonial powers” (21). Through these actions developed to produce the Belgian Congo, and became the largest colony in Africa. Since little (if any) regard for previously existing territories, the colonial rulers arbitrarily drew lines of territories and maintained them by force if necessary (22). This further exacerbated tension between tribes, and led to the separation of some states, such as Rwanda and Burundi, who were admitted into the United Nations (22). While territories were drawn with no concern for the indigenous populations, similar regard was held for the populations themselves. This common element of arbitrary map drawing among colonial rulers can be seen in every current geopolitical region. While it may seem that this feature could be harmless, it often creates conflict among indigenous groups. This aspect of colonial rule and other current features that arise out of the process of globalization are affecting the indigenous populations of the Congo.

One indigenous group that has felt the wrath of this country’s attempt to develop itself into a Nation-State is the Ba’Aka, or the “pygmies”. There are approximately 20,000 members of this tribe, and they inhabit the rainforests of the southwesterly Dzanga Sangha national park in the Central African Republic (http://www.wrm.org.uy/bulletin/59/CAR.html). While Congo is attempting to assert itself within the burgeoning global economy, this group, their ways of life, their hunting grounds, and most importantly their lives, have come under attack through the implementation of three major practices; the logging of their traditional lands, restrictions on hunting, and the killing of Ba’Aka. These facets of the representation and destruction of an “enemy” for the sake of the development of a Nation-State, and its implications, will be discussed in a critical examination of what it means, and who is harms, to aspire to this infinitely harmful, and ultimately genocidal, ideological fallacy.

Since the Ba’Aka make their homes in the forests of Central Congo, any upset regarding this environment constitutes a direct attack on their homes, livelihoods, and even their very lives. The expansion of logging and brings roads and road crews, and while workers clear the brush, no regard is paid to these indigenous peoples. The environmental degradation that come with logging and clearing destroys many homes, so the Ba’Aka are forced to move to distant urban centers (http://www.wrm.org.uy/bulletin/59/CAR.html). In order for a Nation-State to become economically viable, and eventually profitable, they must harvest natural resources. Much of Central Africa and more specifically the Congo mine coltane, which is used in various technological devices that are popular in our Nation-State, such as cell phones, PDA’s and personal gaming systems). Coltane is such a contentious topic in Africa, that it has even been linked the civil wars that have plagued central Africa since 1998; “The main reason for this war in Congo is to gain access, control and profit from trade with five minerals: coltane, diamonds, copper, cobalt and gold”. (http://www.inesglobal.com/Projects/afrika/Afrika_2001.doc). This is a direct effect of globalisation and the desire of the governments of central Africa to participate in the global economy, but for the purposes of this examination, logging will be my focus. The Ba’Aka traditionally hunt in the forests of Central Africa, but since the government of the Congo is seeking to participate in international trade, these forests have come under attack by logging companies. Logging companies constitute a major threat for forest conservation as they bulldoze the green frontier. This process not only destroys fragile ecosystems, but also allows the construction of roads that leaves the forest exposed and open to outsiders for commercial hunting. Since the Ba’Aka rely on, and are adapted to, these areas, the destruction of them in the name of progress constitutes a direct attack on their presence in the Congo. To allow development to continue, the government maintains that logging is a legal act, and holds that they are preventing the destruction of the forests through conservation initiatives (http://www.wrm.org.uy/bulletin/59/CAR.html). The affects of logging have hindered the Ba’Aka in all aspects of their lives, and therefore, is the most detrimental practice established, encouraged, and legalized by the Congolese government. With the increase of logging, all other aspects of the lives of the Ba’Aka have changed.

In another attempt to discontinue and disrupt the practices of the Ba’Aka, these initiatives prevent this group from pursuing hunting. With the establishment of conservations, traditional hunting as been deemed, by the authorities, as poaching. This kind of biased approach to conservation only further aids the building of a Nation-State, as it allows them to justify “teaching” the Ba’Aka different ways of hunting, which only pushes them further away from traditional practices. This type of development also undermines the practice of traditional wildlife hunting. Since hunting is the most fundamental requirement for this indigenous group, an attempt to restrict this mainstay constitutes the most second most aggressive act enacted by this developing Nation-State. When faced with the destruction of their traditional hunting grounds, many Ba’Aka are forced to seek employment with logging firms to sustain their families. This has led to alcohol abuse and debt, changes in traditional practices, and the spread of AIDS. As logging groups enter the forest so have moneylenders, this has led to lenders exploiting the natives to further their own ends, by extending them credit at exorbitant rates; this only further aids the Nation-State in building a representation of the Ba’Aka as lazy, drunk, and disorderly people. In order to garner support and enthusiasm from the dominant population, the representation of the enemy by the Nation-State in this situation is that the ‘enemy’ is hindering the economic development of the Congo, which if allowed to develop, would raise the quality of life for everyone. With this representation, the ‘enemy’ becomes targets seen as outsiders who do not want what is best for the Nation-State. By far the most detrimental, horrific, and genocidal consequence of the Ba’Aka is the continued killing of these people. The representation by many Central Congolese of the Ba’Aka is that by eating bush meat, and even the Ba’Aka and other pygmies themselves, one can gain a kind of mystical power (http://www.mongabay.com/external/AP-congo_cannibalism.htm). This constitutes the most heinous, problematic, and genocidal kind of representation, and the most harmful tool of the developing Nation-State. When these kinds of representations occur, it allows for the eventual complete annihilation of the Ba’Aka people. Through this, we can see that in order for a Nation-State to fulfill it’s horrific destiny, an enemy must be identified (through indigenous groups, and their traditional lands) vilified (through the representation of a subhuman ‘other’) and exterminated (through the loss of their lands, traditional hunting rights, and mass killings). Building a Nation-State is an act that requires all these methods, and most of all, a desire to join the global economy in continual and destructive growth, regardless of the consequences. Though the Ba’Aka are forced to participate in the global economy by accepting work with invading companies, this was not a choice made by the tribe, but something that was forced by the Congo’s developing economy. Through this development, the lives of the Ba’Aka are under attack, and the effects can be seen in all aspects of their lives. How and when they can hunt, where they can procure food, and even where they can live has been affected by globalization, and the idea of a unified Nation-State. This indigenous group has suffered the consequences of these global currents and practices, and it serves well to show how the representation of an ‘enemy’ within a Nation-State leads to these kind of devastating practices. While the aim of ‘economic development’ may seem positive and important, the thread of colonialism and imperialism can be traced through the current idea of ‘globalization’.

A paternalistic nature can be seen in every aspect of globalization. Paternalism can be defined as:

“an attitude or a policy stemming from the hierarchic pattern family based on patriarchy…It is implied that the fatherly figure is wiser than and acts in the best interest of its protected figures. The term is however used derogatorily to stigmatise attitudes or political systems that deprive individuals of freedom only nominally serving their interests, while in fact pursuing another agenda” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternalism)

This paternal metaphor permeates every action in the name of ‘progress’. Regardless of the effects a decision based this kind of mentality (which are usually detrimental) by one person or state over another group, it continues to occur in the name of ‘globalization’. The arbitrary decision-making that goes into foreign policy made by ‘first’ world countries only further serves to benefit the policy-makers and their economic interests. The idea of a ‘father’ or strong leader is integral to this fallacy, and can be seen in every corner of the world. Regarding indigenous populations, or ‘rural’ populations, a Minister De Schrijver spoke a few words about these populations, and it illuminates this metaphor well; “I see these simple populations outside the large urban centers, and I feel myself more than ever the father of a family.” (Young 1965: 59). This shows how the representation of indigenous peoples as ‘young’ or ‘child-like’ in the eyes of foreign leaders allows the space for inequality. The structure of these kind of paternal ideologies creates the foundation for unilateral policy structures, and takes power away from the very people that are assumed to require the most assistance and guidance. This contradiction is evident in every aspect of imperialism, colonialism, and globalization. I make this kind of connection between colonialism and globalization because these ideas come from the same root, and have the same consequences. The basic idea behind them is simple, effective, and ever-present; if someone is not living according to Western standards, we must parent them and civilize them, and this is in their own best interests. While this may be the argument, it becomes simple to see that the only interests that are being served are the economic interests of developed Nation-States, and the first world as an entity. The treatment of the lands and lives of the Ba’Aka come from the same sordid ideologies that have affected the lives of numerous indigenous populations globally. With this basic structure of exploitation and inequality, these atrocities will continue unabated.

The ideological fallacies that are the foundation of a developing Nation-State are ultimately means to its own end. When the rights, lands, and lives of indigenous groups are continually reduced, it can only lead to the destruction of all peoples within that Nation-State. While it can be extremely tempting (and now required) to participate and excel within an increasingly competitive global market, many people allow the proliferation and acceptance of a representated ‘other’ to become justification for any number of atrocities. With the destruction of the forests of Central Africa, and the Ba’Aka’s way of life, the ecological and social damage continues without cease. The only attempt to fretter the growth comes in the form of policies that continue to further the protection of the dominant groups interests. This can be seen in the form of hunting restrictions, and the development of conservation grounds on the traditional lands of the Ba’Aka. While this is extremely detrimental, the most serious attack on the Pygmies of Central Africa comes in the form of a vilified representation; this is the most powerful tool in the arsenal of the developing Nation-State. The premise of these practices began long before King Leopold II, but remain evident in foreign relations presently. Without policy reform, and input from these indigenous populations, the same cycle of structural inequality will continue.

(Tell me something...)

Jan. 20th, 2007

09:54 am - Following Manas (Working Title)

Chapter 1
6470
I have my commanders and khans,
So, accept my words,
Without any argument and quarrel,
Give me Manas

I ran headlong into a typewriter when I was four years old. It was my first experience with metaphor. The welt lasted for weeks, and as it healed, I clacked away at the old clunking word box for hours at a time. I became a touch typist at five years old, and wrote my first editorial, titled “Mom’s Dinners Leave Bitter Taste in Mouth” at eight. We all knew then that I would be a force of sarcasm unmatched at any place within the time/space continuum for the rest of eternity. Though at thirty-six this remains true, I’ve admittedly softened a bit. It was the little woman that did this to me. It’s hard to be the picture of cool detachment when faced with unending heat and compassion. Any woman that silently refills your whiskey while you pour over notes is a woman worth keeping around. I mean, there’s more to her than that, but she wouldn’t hold the thought against me. Alas, I write to speak the words I feel and the thoughts I cannot say. Without writing I would have swallowed my own tongue long ago. That morning, Mona came up behind me.
“It’s too early for work…come back to bed.” I hadn’t yet shaken the anxiety that the bigwigs at work were preparing something truly horrible for me. Clacking their minds together in an attempt to make me miserable and rue the day I signed their bloody contracts. I’ve long reconciled the knowledge that pure jealously leads this kind of conniving. The bastards will all be licking my scrotum when I stand victorious with the Pulitzer in my hand. The fuckers will weep in the arms of their harangued spouses. It’s fairly common knowledge that journalists are drunks, and that their husbands and wives dream nightly of burning every last bit of written media on the planet. I knew Mona thought this. I would see her envisioning herself clad with torches and cans of hairspray dashing though a print house “burn every last Motherfucking issue! Burn the machines! Burn the ALL!” I see her cackling and drooling, already delirious with the thought that soon I would be free and we could go to Croatia and lie on the beach. She’s long forgotten the notion we should spawn. This is good. Any child of mine…I can’t even finish that thought. It’s just best left alone. Thankfully Mona doesn’t mind. She knows I love her and we are very happy.
It’s about time I head into the office. See what’s brewing. As I head out to the garage, I slam my foot into the cat’s extremely full litter box, spraying clumps of cat shit and ammonia ridden urine everywhere. Again with the metaphors. Every time I slam into something, it a clear picture of the larger, inner workings of the shit-storm cluster-fuck that is my life. I thought it was a fluke with the typewriter, but experience has told me that flukes are likely a kind of breakfast cereal in some other dimension.
“Are your kids hungry? Try Flukes for Breakfast!” I often have advertisements from other planets or places or times running in my mind. This helps me to push away the absurdity. It’s so rampant. I can’t but take a shit without something ridiculous looking me in the face. Yesterday it was a picture of a goddamn kitten on the toilet paper bag. I bet that kitten suffocated in a plastic toilet paper bag. Damn fluffy kittens. The cat was Mona’s idea.
“I named the kitten Tampax. Don’t look at me like that Pete; it’s a damn fine name. Yes, I know it’s a boy.”
The complexes that cat will have will likely plague me. He seems normal, but when he stares at me with forlorn eyes I know he’s saying
“Does my fur really look that absorbent? My tail is NOT a string. Tell that bitch to give me a better name. How about Thor? Thor is a damn fine name.” I’ve pleaded, well, I asked once; I have better things to do. She won’t budge on the issue. That woman happily confounds me. Her lack of logic combined with a stubbornness that I’ve only seen in drunken editors combined for an intoxicating brew.
At work, there WAS something brewing. The minute I walked though the doors, the vibrations shifted, all bungling idiots were prairie dogging over their Styrofoam cubicles, craning and squawking
“Ha, he is SO fucked”; “I wonder whose wife he boned to get that assignment”. And so on. I pretended to ignore them. I’ve long given up the delusion that I don’t care what my co-workers say. I would never admit it, but they’re snide remarks create in me visions of violence and clock tower dreams. Ants they are, simply ants roaming around working away like fucking idiots. Maybe I just didn’t get enough head in high school. Now I’m always worrying about making friends.
As I march to Harry’s office, I am interrupted by a vision of smashing Harry’s face into and through the photocopier. What an image that would make. I’d blow it up and hang it over my toilet. I’d use small pieces of it to patch saving cuts. That man is such rat bastard. He has an amazing ability to fuck me over with barely an ounce of effort. I mean, I am blessed with the same gift, but I use it sparingly and only for the most deserving folks.
“Peter, there you are. You like shit! Are you on drugs again?”
“I’ve never been on drugs. What the hell is going on around here? There’s something going on.”
“I have a very special assignment for you. It’s a real opportunity. Something just for you, because I know you’re such a hard assed, hard nosed reporter who’ll really take a bite out of this sweet-assed story. I’m giving you the Manas assignment.” I nearly did a number three. Which is truly special. It only happened once, on my last assignment when I was sent to Pakistan to lunch with rebels. I ate something rotten and spent hour shitting and pissing and vomiting until I was thrown into a delirium that I still haven’t recovered from. I saw the most beautiful half-naked unicorn women that day.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I spend enough if my time with villains, I work with you.” He didn’t see my point. Maybe I better show him the point of my member and call it a day. I was ready to crawl back into the arms of my woman.
“I’m not going to Crazy Stan.”
“It’s Kyrgyzstan. Beautiful country, lots of mountains. You could get into shape, eat some horse. Maybe steal a bride or two. You leave in just over two weeks. Get your poop in a group before then.” I just gawked at his ridiculous face. The look he was giving me would have made a beautiful piece of art. Especially splattered and bloody and photocopied over and over. I consoled myself with the idea of him being ass-rammed by a goat. Not that I have a penchant for bestiality, but I’m sure he does.
“I expect a two-thousand word editorial every week. I want you to nomad around with him and his cronies. Find out why the bastard is so goddamn bloodthirsty. There’s a huge interest after his army’s defeat of the Weegeers.”
“Uyghurs” I correct him. He doesn’t seem to hear me. I suspect he’s having his own goat fantasy. He’s such a baaaaad boy. With this thought I come close to another number three situation.
Why can’t I seem to avoid these trains of thought? Mona says it the OCD. This is complete bullshit, in my mind. I let her entertain the idea, it saves her from thinking I’m a completely sick fuck. It allows her to sleep in the same bed and use the same dishes as myself. Without this explanation I’m sure she would have pealed it out of there when I told her I once had a vision of a ‘go-carts for zombies’ commercial while she was sucking me off. With the OCD story I can mentally wander where it seems to want to, and sometimes share the results with her, without worrying too much she’s on the verge of creating a Mona-shaped cut-out in our front door.
“Get the fuck out of my office Peter. I get the bends when you stare off into space like that.” I stand, turn around, and wiggle my ass a little as I walk out of the door.
The only thought at that moment; Leave this Place. ‘Run away from the Godforsaken Idiots.’ I do as I’m told and bolt for the exit.
As I walk to my ’86 Geo Metro, I try to recall everything I know about Manas. Since I’m a journalist, I try to bring back facts. Since he is more wrapped in myth and legend than concrete factoids, this proves difficult. It is said that when his mother was pregnant with him, she craved tiger meat. Are there any tigers in Kyrgyzstan? Are the streets of Bishkek crowded with striped death-cats? Maybe they’re the tame ones among what I can only imagine are a country chock-full of brutish war-lords. Raping and pillaging at each and every opportunity. I shudder uncontrollably as I pull onto the highway. I can hardly wait. My mouth waters at the though of boiled horsemeat.
When I get home I find Mona and Tampax having a little anthropomorphic chat about the state of literary fiction. Maybe Mona wants a child. Or maybe she wants a house-bound professor. I’d chat with her about things, but my tangents make her horny, or so I like to think. Then we just end up getting sweaty instead of brainy. I try to think of how I’ll break the news that I’ll be leaving in 3 weeks for six months for a little-known country to follow around an infamously well-known terrorist, war-lord, and psychopath. The anticipation has me giddy. I bounce around her and the cat, hoping to simultaneously distract her and let the cat remember he’s a cat, not a human or a cotton vaginal plug. Tampax instantly remembers, and Mona is instantly worried.
“What happened? Where are they sending you? Oh, dear God, its horrible isn’t it? Do I have to kill people? I want names.” I so love this woman.
“Well…Hairyassface wants me to do a really interesting series about a very peculiar man. I have to go away, though.”
“When do you leave?”
“I leave in 3 weeks. For…six months.”
She inhales sharply.
“I’m leaving you, then. I want to have a baby.”

(Tell me something...)

Jan. 2nd, 2007

09:58 am - Got a New Plan

In order to prevent further brain-stagnation/atrophy, I'm going to resume my writing with vigor! Hopefully I can stave off office-related comas. Seeing as I have nearly abandoned the Reuters player (and the intended source of inspiration) I'll have to dig deep and find my own reasons to bitch...I mean, wax poetic on the global plight.

(Tell me something...)

Dec. 13th, 2006

02:03 pm - Not going as planned.

So, due to my technological ineptitude, I haven't been utilizing my Reuters syndication rights. If someone could please tell me how to upload the player, I would be forever grateful.

(1 comment | Tell me something...)

Dec. 6th, 2006

11:01 am - The Plan

The plan here is to somehow get my Reuters player working.
When that has been accomplished, I will try to take a featured story from there, everyday, and write a brief editorial using my own unique brand of sardonic humor and deconstruction style.

Now...if only I could get the damn thing going.

Current Location: Work

Current Music: The hum of white collar office space

(Tell me something...)